... and more Basement

Here are some more pictures of the progression of our basement.

Family room sheetrocked, but not taped.

Bedroom and linen closet sheetrocked, not taped.

Yaayy! Bedroom and linen closet taped.

My favorite - girls being silly!

What's behind door #...wait, there aren't any doors.

...more Basement ... and a Bird

Dave came and finished the electrical as far as he can go. He will come back once more after the painting is done and finish everything up. We had him do a light in the bedroom closet, 4 can lights and support and box for a fan in both the bedroom and family room. He also did wiring for in floor heat for the bathroom and for a future fireplace.

On Monday and Tuesday Eddy came back and finished the plumbing as far as he can go. He also put in the gas line for the future fire place.

They both did beautiful work.

On Friday the sheetrock was delivered.

On Saturday the sheetrockers came and did a lot of work. They got the whole ceiling done and a good share of the walls finished. On Monday Al will come back and finish a lot of the sheetrocking. They will try to be done by Tuesday afternoon so the tapers can come in and start taping. Here's the storage room.

Here's Brynlee standing in the utility room. On the right is a bedroom and on the left is the bathroom.

Here's Brynlee with her new school haircut in the soon to be bedroom. The bedroom is all sheetrocked.

Last for today, but certainly not least. We are now caretakers of a bird. The girls' cousin recently got a bird for his birthday and now for reasons due to the economy, his family will be in another country for at least several months. He could not take his bird with him so he asked if we could care for his bird until he comes back. Brynlee has always been so fascinated by birds. She so has wanted to catch a bird and have it for a pet. Many times she has tried to sneak up to a bird to see if she can catch it. She cannot understand why we can't do that. They knew this and thought maybe she and Meikiina would like to care for the bird. We all adore him. He was pretty scared for a while after he came, but he is calming down and getting used to all of us. I'm sure that when this birdy goes back we will be very sad, but I'm pretty sure that we will be owners of more birds in the future.

Birthdays

We had a fun time yesterday at a birthday party in a park for two little turning 5 year olds.



Wow! Someone gave me m&m's in one of my birthday presents. I love m&m's. (See Baby B above on the right eyeing the m&m's.)

I'm so cute - I'm sure no one will notice that I'm eating my sister's birthday treats.

One of the favorite places at the park was the merry-go-round. I saw Brynlee standing on it so I went and told her she needs to sit down or she might fall off and get hurt. Later she came running to me and told me she fell off, and she told me, "But I'm ok. See all my parts are still here - two legs, two arms, I'm all here." Here's Brynlee brushing herself off after one of the times she fell.

Falling off a little old merry-go-round is not gonna stop me. Brynlee climbing back on the merry-go round ready for more.

Another favorite place...

Now how do I get water out of here and into my cup down there on the ground?

Aaaahhh!! Refreshing!

Basement and Busyness...

Finally, we've been able to start getting work done on our basement. We had our basement framed about a year and a half ago. Gregg's sister and his dad gave that to us for a Christmas present. We so appreciated that, but haven't had anything done since then.

A couple weeks ago, brother Pete called and said he remembered that we had talked about having our basement done and would we like to start on it. So we started working with him and it is going amazingly quickly. We have been really feeling like we could use the extra room and we are so excited.

On July 14th Pete came over with the Dave electrician and we talked about what we want done and where. On July 22nd(?) Eddie the plumber came to see what he will be doing. On July 29th Nate the heating man came to see what he needs to do.

Then the actual work started. On July 30th Pete picked up our shower that we had bought and came and framed in the shower and did a little more framing that needed to be done. We really, really appreciated that. I was more than a bit nervous about getting the shower into the house. It was 33 3/4" deep and our patio door is 33 3/4" wide. Pete said it was quite the project to get it into the house, but they did get it in. We were not home, but I will tell more about that in a bit. I am so happy that they did get it in because I really like this shower and didn't really want any of the other showers that would have fit. So a big, huge thank you to Pete for doing that for us.


On July 31st we had a carpet man come to show us some carpet samples and give us a quote on carpet. We might not have enough money left to do the carpet, but if we do we wanted to know about how much it would be. Nate also came and did all the heating duct work and left us the covers so that when everything is done we can put those on. There is one heating duct that had to be moved so Nate will have to come back to move that and then the heating will be done.
Today, August 1st, Dave came and did most of the electrical. He will come back tomorrow to finish up what he can do. Then he will have to come back again to do the final finishing after the sheet rocking is done. Eddie the plumber will be coming back on Tuesday or Wednesday this week to do the plumbing and put in a gas line for a future fireplace. The sheet rockers will come on Saturday, August 8th and the tapers will maybe be coming August 12th through the 15th.

We have also been busy with all kinds of other things in the last few days.

On Wednesday the 29th, Auntie Jennifer came and picked up the girls and took them to the Radison Hotel in Bloomington by the Mall of America. This is where the Water Park of America is. She spent many hours with them in the water park and the girls had a blast. Jennifer had her Korean sister-in-law and baby niece who just moved to Minnesota, over to the hotel. Being Asian too, she wanted to meet Meikiina & Brynlee. So they all spent the morning playing in the water park together on Thursday. Jennifer asked Gregg and me if we wanted to spend the night there Thursday night, so we did. We went over to Ikea and Mall of America and wandered around a bit. It was fun and relaxing. I did feel guilty that we weren't here when the shower was coming into the house, but it was good to be given the gift of a relaxing evening/night. Jennifer is so good to us.

Today we went to see 'YuLong: The Jade Dragon' by Circus Juventas. It was great. It was from 1:00 to 4:30 and we could have stayed way longer. The whole last hour Meikiina was asking, "It's not done yet, is it?" I think she got hungry about half way through and started acting out, but I had a snack for her and when she ate that, she was right as rain again all the way through the rest of the event. Brynlee enjoyed it too, but was a little scared, I think, a couple of times.

Circus Juventas is a youth performing arts circus. YuLong: The Jade Dragon, is a story of a Chinese kingdom under attack and Hua Mulan (a young woman) dresses as a soldier to take her father's place in the army that was drafted to protect the kindom. It was spectacular - the colors, the costumes, the acrobatics... We often get to see several of the Chinese members of Circus Juventas at our other Chinese functions and our favorite is always the little boy. He's about 5 now and we've been watching him since he was about 2 years old. He's very good already and so, sooooo cute! We got to see him here and he was as cute as ever.

China Reunion and Garden Update

China Reunion~

Today was China reunion. What fun. We enjoy it more and more each time we go. This year we got to see our new Chinese cousin at the reunion. That was fun. She loves Meikiina, gives her a big smile every time she sees her. I couldn't take a picture of her because I had lost my camera. Her mama took some pictures of her with my girls and will email them to me. She's such a cutie! We also got to visit with a family that traveled at the same time I did when I went to get Meikiina. We didn't get to visit with them super long, but it's always fun to say hi and keep in touch a little with how they are doing.

At the reunion we got to have faces painted, paint Chinese fans (above), watch awesome drummers, jump in an air jumper, listen to Chinese story tellers, make a Chinese kite, visit lots of vendors with so many neat Chinese items for sale, have snacks, and more.

We also participated in a silent auction. We 'won' 2 items we bid on. Meikiina was very excited about one of the items we won. She so badly wanted to win a Furga brand Chinese baby doll that was displayed there. I really did not think we would have a chance. Only one other family was bidding on it, and we got it. She was so excited that we won. We named the baby Jade Lin. Meikiina has been taking really good care of her. We also won tickets to a Circus Juventas performance of 'Yulong the Jade Dragon' for August 1. Gregg was so excited about that. It will be really fun to go to that. One of our favorite events at Chinese events is the Chinese circus, and this year they were not there. This will make up for that.

All in all - we had a great time and we are all glad that we went.

Garden ~

Now for a garden update picture. The garden is growing like crazy. I still have to finish thinning the carrots and the peas are even crazier, but it's fun!

This is a fun 'garden' picture. Every year I plant flowers in a little spot I made special for flowers when I bought the house. Every year, Gregg tells me he's going to plant peppers in that spot, that it would be a perfect spot for peppers. Every year I tell him, "No way-that is my flower bed." This year when I was planting my flowers there I noticed a different type of flower mixed in with my petunias. I tried to separate the other plant from the petunia, but the roots were just stuck, so I left it and thought, hmmmm...I wonder what type of flower that is. I thought I would just leave it and see what it grew into. One day Gregg called me at work and said, "Did you know you have a pepper plant in with your flowers?" I told him that I did not know that. He said, "And it has peppers already growing on it." Then I realized that it was that plant that I had seen and left in with the flowers. We have laughed about that a lot. He finally got his pepper plant there. See the pepper plant below with the peppers on it.

Doctor visit

Yesterday was Meikiina's well check. She grew 2.5" and gained 6.5 pounds. She is again at 50th percentile for both height and weight. This is the third year in a row that she has been a 50th percentile for both height and weight so she is growing exactly as she should. Dr. Benson was very pleased.

When the nurse told Meikiina that she didn't have to have any shots, Meikiina was SO happy. She always worries so much about shots. Then the nurse scored even bigger when she told Meikiina that she doesn't have to have any shots until she is 11! She just chattered and chattered to the nurse after that. I was amazed as she is not much for chattering to just anyone. She's usually pretty reserved

Dr. Benson and I talked a long time about several things. One - I was concerned about allergies. We really would love to get a cat. We miss having Rascal around and would really love to get another cat. Meikiina always had kind of itchy eyes and under her eyes was the purple coloring that always makes me think of allergies. About a year after we lost Rascal, I noticed that Meikiina was not rubbing her eyes and they looked so good and I started thinking that I bet she has allergies. I then started noticing that any time we were somewhere that there were cats, she would hold them and pet them and cuddle them and would start rubbing her eyes. I discussed with him the reactions Meikiina has when she is around cats. I also described 2 severe reactions she has had when she has been petting horses. She got major hives all over her face both times. One time her auntie Nurse Janelle was with her when this happened and she was very concerned. Anyway Dr. Benson said we could test if we want, but if she is having reactions like this, she is for sure allergic to cats and horses. So no kitty for us. :-( Also, if she will be around horses we have to start treating her the day before with an allergy medication so that she doesn't react to them. The doctor did say that we most likely could get a dog if we want a pet. He suggested that we test it by having Meikiina visit and play with dogs, where we know that they are not around cats or horses and see if she has a reaction to it. If she doesn't we should be pretty safe in getting a dog. Now we have to decide if we can change our hearts into doggy hearts. Yes, I love dogs. We always had dogs growing up. But I love big dogs and I just can't see having a big dog in the city. Doesn't seem fair to me. It's a big decision and we'll just have to see what happens.

Meikiina with our beloved Rascal

The other thing we talked about alot was anxiety and perfectionism. As we've talked about alot lately, Meikiina has high anxiety. She is also a perfectionist. He gave me lots of ideas to help us out although right at the moment I can't even think of specific things we talked about here. Alot of what we talked about here was almost more to help me out, to help me feel better about being her mom. Meikiina was also very impressed with Dr. Benson. She chattered to him too. She wasn't going to let him go she was so enjoying talking to him.

So we had a good healthy growing year, and I look forward to the upcoming year to see what it brings.

Meikiina's Birthday Party

We had a birthday party for Meikiina at a park in Big Lake. In the morning we didn't know for sure if it was gonna be an outside party kind of day, but it turned out to be a beautiful day! It was perfect weather for a party in a park. We had three families come for the party and I think everyone had fun. We grilled hotdogs and had chips and pop, and then had the cake.

The adults got to have really nice visits and the kids all had a blast playing. I just don't get to see my sisters often enough and I really enjoyed visiting with them.

Once again - Happy Birthday, Meikiina ~ my sweet girl!

Here is Meikiina opening her present on her actual birthday at home.

It's a DS!

At the park she couldn't wait for the others to get there to open her present from Brynlee

- a Junie B Jones book.

Putting the candles on her cake as cousins look on.

Just after the candles were blown out.

Playing with one of her presents - sidewalk chalk with 3D glasses.

On the playground playing with cousins.

The littlest party person.

The moms!

Meikiina is 8!!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday Dear Meikiina!

Happy Birthday to you!

Eight!?

How could you be 8 years old, Meikiina? Where did the time go? You are my big girl, but you will also, always be my baby. :-) I can't believe that all this time has gone by. It seems like yesterday that I was in China seeing you for the first time, Meikiina. What a special day this is to me. I am so proud of you. I am so happy and feel so blessed to be your mama.

I know that you are in the thoughts of others too. I am certain that your birthparents are also thinking about you today. I am certain that they think of you often, and with special thoughts for you on your birthday. I thank God that your birthparents chose the gift of life for you and I wish that I could tell them that you are ok, and you are so loved.

Thank you God, and thank you China and birthparents for the gift of Meikiina. What a special gift she has been to me.

Happy Birthday, my special big girl, Meikiina! I love you so much!

XXXOOO
Mama
(Birthday Party post tomorrow.)

Garden Update

Here is a couple of new garden pictures taken today. The carrots need to be thinned and the beans are not growing super fast. I haven't been able to spend much time out there lately, but it's fun to watch it growing. Meikiina with some of our first lettuce.

(There will be more blogs with prior dates from our 2 week intensive. I will publish as I finish them.

Thursday

Today was our last day for the intensive. The play therapists worked on imaginative things with Meikiina. We talked about the results of the IQ retest. Once again Melissa was amazed. In the section they redid, Meikiina jumped 13 points, which Melissa said is unheard of. She said that experts would not even accept that - they say it is not possible to jump more than 10 points. Just the difference of the biofeedback before the test jumped her way up. She said by retaking this portion it put her in the normal range for the whole test. What I thought of was if after doing biofeedback, she jumped like this in her worst section, what would her score have been if she had taken the whole test after biofeedback. I think it would have been high. But this really proved my point that she has a really hard time testing for some reason. I think she is so anxious during a test that she just can't do it.

We also went over a lot of options and ideas of what we can do and what direction we can go in the future. I've made an appointment for her to have sensory integration dysfunction testing in September. That will be interesting because I have always thought that she may have sensory issues. I will also almost certainly buy a lights/sounds (biofeedback) machine. That is actually something we all can use. We also got info on how we can start to work with the school to help give Meikiina an environment that might make absorbing her learning easier for her.

In about 6 weeks we will get an intensive report from Melissa on her observations and opinions/diagnoses of Meikiina. It will be very interesting to see what she says in her report.

In our storytelling we took Meikiina's China photo albums and talked about coming to China to get her. This was a good way to end this because we talked about the fun memories of our China trip and how happy we are that we were so blessed to be able to become a family.

So now on with the rest of our life. I am sure we will still see Melissa. We will at least make a check-in appointment in several weeks to see if we are still on track. But I will continue to update on how and where we are going on this life journey.

Wednesday

We heard the results of the IQ test that she did yesterday. Well, we didn't really, because they couldn't really even score all of it. She said in all her years working in this field she has never seen this. She said you can see that she is very bright. But when she was testing she would be working and then she would reach a point that she was a little unsure and she would freeze up and she couldn't go further in that section. A portion of her had closed down and she couldn't get in. Now this was the evening that we were late. I'm sure it was a little stressing in the car. We walked in and they didn't do anything else and just started the test. Not good! One example - What would you do if you saw that your neighbor's house was on fire? Answer - Call 911. Not Meikiina's answer. Meikiina's answer, "What!? That could happen?" They couldn't give her a score for that. :-) A big problem here might be perfectionism. (I can't get it wrong. If I don't answer the question I won't get it wrong.) Melissa was extremely puzzled. She said she can't figure out why she tested like this. She said Meikiina is obviously bright. She played so nicely, knew when it was her turn and took turns nicely, didn't freak out when she lost, was knowledgeable in conversation while playing, etc. She said she scored similar to a child who sat and played with handcuffs locking and unlocking and staring at her the whole session. She can't figure out why Meikiina would test like this. This is exactly why I am concerned. Why!!

When we got there tonight they took Meikiina and had her do lights and sounds (biofeedback), which totally relaxes her. After that was done, they redid one portion of the IQ test - the portion that she did the worst in. They did a totally different test, nothing that she had heard the day before so to her it was a totally new test. (Note: Tomorrow's blog I will discuss further development on the IQ test.)

We discussed long what could be 'wrong' with her. She is severely anxious. We know that - is that all? Not to say there is anything 'all' about that. That is so huge. Is she ADD? If she is should she be medicated? I am hugely against medicating kids. I'm not saying that I think anyone is wrong for doing it. I just have such fears doing it myself. It seems there are way too many ADHD or ADD kids these days. What are the pros and cons of medicating if she would have ADD? She may be able to 'calm' enough in class that her brain doesn't freeze up and she may be able to complete her work. Gregg and I saw a study that says that there is no proof that medicating for ADD increases classroom learning.

My thoughts are that there is a neuropath that was not developed due to the circumstances in her infancy, or something wrong in the brain. If that is the case, if she is on medication does this 'cure' that? Because the medication could calm her enough to learn, does this also heal her brain? Or if she then comes off the medication her brain is exactly the same so she still has the same exact problem, but it was just hidden for awhile? Melissa didn't know the answer to that. We want her cured/healed. We don't just want to do what is the easiest for us. But then is that fair to Meikiina, if medication calms her anxiety down and helps her learn, that we say we don't want medication. We want to do what we have to to heal her. Ok, where is that book? That one that tells us what to do in our child rearing? All this is a big if. We did do a test that will help Melissa determine if she is ADD. She may not be. Does she have some other type of learning disability? If she would have a learning disability Melissa said that it can be very hard to determine what it might be.

Well, we have started. I think it will be a long road with many bumps and curves. But we will struggle through and be the best parents we can be to her. We will try our hardest to do what we need to do in order for her to succeed in life.

Our story tonight was called, "The Little Fairy." The little fairy thought she was born a bad fairy baby. Her fairy godmother appeared one day and told her how she could be rid of the 'curse' of thinking she is a bad fairy. All she had to do is whenever her mom or dad told her she is good she had to say, "Yes, I am a good fairy." and she really had to believe she is a good fairy. One day after she had worked on this really hard and long she saw a puff of dust and she noticed the curse was gone.

Tuesday

Very interesting evening! First - we got there late because traffic had been cut down to 1 lane on part of 94 and Gregg got stuck in that. But when we finally got there, Meikiina had an IQ test done while we were in with Melissa. Not sure when we will find the results of that. We talked about the evening before and today and what we would talk about in our group.

Then Melissa went over the test that she had done with Gregg and me about Meikiina. This is the chronological age test. You can tell pretty much I think what each would represent. For example in communication - receptive and expressive are communication she uses to listen and talk. She scored at chronological age (which means years of age) in each category as follows:

Communication
Receptive - 11y 0m (chronological age years and months)
Expressive - 10y 6m
Written - 8y 0m

Daily Living Skills
Personal - 5y 11m *
Domestic - 10y 5m
Community - 9y 10m

Socialization
Interpersonal Relationships - 11y 3m
Play and Leisure time - 10y 6 m
Coping Skills - 8y 6m

Maladaptive Behavior Index
Internalizing - Elevated
Externalizing - Elevated

Edited: I'm not sure what happend here. I had a note for the * and I just noticed that it is not here. The reason she scored lower here is because she does not like to brush her hair or wash her face, etc. The reason she doesn't is because I believe she has some sensory issues and is extra sensitive in these two areas.

I am not surprised really. It proves more to me that she is very smart and what is going on in school is not normal.

In group we kind of sat around a bit and Meikiina was feeding Dorothy and then she said, "Well, are we having stories?" So we told stories. We told about working really hard to learn something, and keeping on trying until we mastered it. Gregg and I both told about learning to tie our shoes and learning to ride our bikes.

Some comments she made tonight. I called her sweetheart. She has had a real hard time hearing this from people, especially from Gregg. She has said, "You can't call me that!" Melissa has suggested that maybe she thinks that she doesn't have a sweet heart. Both Gregg and I said, "Yes, that's what it is." We had never thought of that before. Well, anyway when I used the term 'sweetheart' in a sentence tonight, I then said, "You are a sweetheart, you know!" She answered me, "Yes, I am, cuz I have a sweet heart." Yes! :-) I told her, "You sure do have a sweet heart."

Later when we were doing our cuddle time, she wanted to be in control of the situation. I kind of wasn't letting her and she really didn't like that. But after I was telling her what a good person she is and she said, "No, I'm a bad person!" I asked her why she thought she was a bad person and she couldn't or wouldn't tell me. I tried to tell her over and over that she is a good person, but she wasn't receptive to that.

After cuddle time, Meikiina told me that she has an idea. I asked her what her idea was and she said, "When we go to Walmart next maybe we could buy some babyfood." I told her that I thought that was a good idea. She said I could feed her like a baby. I agreed and then she said that she likes me to treat her like a baby, but she doesn't always want me to treat her like a baby, like she doesn't want me to talk to her like she's a baby all day or anything like that. I asked her if she likes it just at times like we've been doing, I cuddle with her and let her be my baby. She said that that is a good amount of time.

Monday

Tonight we finished the chronological age test for Meikiina. Melissa said she scored very high pretty much throughout. She will score it tomorrow and we will see results on Wednesday.

Tonight we got a Murphy-Meisgeier test back that they did on Meikiina by asking her questions (without our input). This is the Myers Briggs personality test for children. I can see that the way she scored on this is just the way we answered our questions on the chronological test where Gregg and I were answering the questions. Very interesting.

Meikiina is ISFJ - Introverted 63.8% (vs Extroverted), Sensing 99.5% (vs Intuition), Feeling 99.9% (vs Thinking), Judging 98.4% (vs Perceiving).

People who prefer Introversion (how we get energy from others and from our environment):
Like working on their own or with small groups.
Like making choices inside their mind, and then telling.
Get tired when working with others for a long time.
Can't talk about it when upset, angry, or embarrassed.

People who prefer Sensing (how we take in info to learn and how we talk and share our ideas):
Like information presented in order.
Like complete directions.
Like to know all the facts to understand the whole idea.
Like producing more than designing.
Like many examples to prove a point.

People who prefer Feeling (how we make decisions and form relationships):
Work hard to do their best.
Enjoy cooperating to achieve their best.
Trust others to help in good ways.
Are sensitive to others' feelings; are careful not to say things they think might hurt others
Like to help people solve their problems.
Make choices based on what they think is most important for others and for them.

People who prefer Judging (how we organize and plan to get our work done):
Like to plan and then use that plan.
Like to get their work done first, then relax.
Like to know what will happen next.
Have a difficult time thinking when the deadline is near and the project is not done.
Want to complete one project before beginning another.

ISFJ Strengths and Stretches
Strengths. You ...
Use friendly ways to get others to work together.
Are very responsible for doing what needs to be done now.
Like to do things now to help others.
Are quiet and observant.
Have a good memory for details. *
Work and work until the job is done.
Care about helping others be their best. *

Stretches. It is harder for you to ...
Be with others you think are selfish. *
Work in a classroom where the rules keep changing. *
Feel unappreciated. *
Ask others for help. *
Tell others when you are upset. *

* are very Meikiina. The others are too, but not as strong.

There's more, but too much typing. I am amazed at how accurate this is. This was done by working with only Meikiina without Gregg or me present.

Melissa mentioned that Meikiina is very nice, polite, etc. - just like I hear always. But they have picked up that she does not have complete fantasy play. She dresses Barbies, but she doesn't go further than that, etc. She doesn't really know how to fantasize. She said this is very common with children with severe anxiety. It also tends to go with the type of personality she is indicated as being on the test they did on her.

In group we wanted to touch on Meikiina's being left by her birth parents and a little of what we thought their thoughts and feelings were. We also wanted to go into how Meikiina felt being left. I didn't want to write it as Meikiina so instead did a story of Little Emperor.

I wrote a story about Little Emperor's birth to parents who loved him very much and how they knew he was a good and very nice baby. His birthparents were very poor and didn't have the ability to care for any baby at that time. They were so poor they didn't have enough food to make sure that this baby didn't get hungry and they knew they didn't have enough clothes that they could make sure he was always warm. The birthparents thought and thought about what they could do. They finally decided that if someone could adopt Little Emperor then maybe that baby they loved so much wouldn't have to be hungry or cold. So they thought of a plan. They thought - if they leave Little Emperor in a safe place someone will quickly find him and then be can be adopted. So with many tears they did that - they made a bottle and left Little Emperor with a bottle in the safe place to be found.

Little Emperor was sleeping when his parents carefully placed him down. But soon he woke up and he looked around and he was scared. He wondered where he was and where his parents were. He was scared and thought what if strangers pick me up. Of course he was tiny and he couldn't understand how poor his parents were. He was so tiny that he also wouldn't understand that even though his birthparents knew that he was a good baby and knew that he had never done anything wrong, that they just didn't have the ability to care for a baby right now.

I went into a little more, but this was the gist of it. She seems to like the stories.

Saturday/Sunday

The weekend flew by of course. We didn't really do a whole lot except cuddle time. She was a little distant about wanting to do it, but once we did she sure enjoyed it and would just cuddle in.

Friday

This morning for the very first time ever, Meikiina made a comment about her birth mother. When she was coming out of the shower, she said, "I wonder what my birth mother is doing right now." I said, "I do too, I wonder what she is doing. What do you think she is doing?" Meikiina said, "Maybe she is making me a card." I told her, "I bet she is. I do know that she is thinking about you. I know she thinks about you alot and is remembering you specially on your birthday." She was so happy.

When I was telling Melissa our story from the evening before about what Meikiina had said about all the places she wants to live and why, she said, "She's not feeling very brave, is she?" And Melissa was right, she doesn't feel very brave.

Tonight we talked about when we got Rascal. He was found on the side of the road and then we took him into our family. He had been with several people before us and was a bit scared. We had to work very hard with him to get him to trust us and to love us. Rascal also worked very hard to learn to trust and love us. When he finally figured out that he was ours, he loved us so much - we were for sure in his heart. He is also still in all of our hearts.

We did a project tonight to show who is in our heart. We talked about how there are many people in our life, but some of these people we hold in our heart. Our project was to show who was in our heart. So each of us drew pictures of who we hold in our hearts. Meikiina drew all her special people on one side of her sheet and then turned her sheet over and drew a heart and put her special people in the heart. Then on the side of the big heart she drew a black heart and colored it in. Melissa asked about that one. Meikiina said all the people that didn't fit in the other heart are in that one, like her birthfamily. We then talked about what happens if someone passes away, or if someone is angry, etc. Do they stay in your heart or do they have to leave. And what if someone joins the family, does the heart get crowded, is there less room? No, it grows and we can fit them in our heart too and it doesn't make any less room for the people that were in there before.

Thursday

Today we started answering a series of questions to find out where Meikiina tests in a chronological age. Tonight we only did a few sections, but Melissa said she's scoring very high. This is a test that is done on Meikiina by asking Gregg and me questions.

Tonight in group time our story theme was of birth family. I started out by telling Meikiina that she has two sets of parents (which of course she knows). I said the first parents she had we call her birth parents. They are in China and are the ones that gave birth to her and gave her things like her birthday and her looks. Her second parents are her dad and me. We are her parents right now and we will be her parents forever. We love her and will never leave her and will be a part of her life forever. I told her that we know that she was a good baby, because she is with us and we have seen what a good baby she was. I told her that I know her birth parents loved her very much and that they also knew what a good baby she was. They said that she was very loved and that with many tears she was placed in her finding spot because they did not have the ability to care for a baby at that time. They said that she was a very good baby and that she was not sick and that they hoped that she could be adopted by someone that could give her good care. I told her that I knew this, because I had a note that said that her birthparents had said this and asked her if she wanted to see the note. She said yes, so I showed her the note we had received when we went back to the orphanage when she was 4 years old. She took it and looked at the Chinese writing on the original note and said, "I don't understand this writing." I'm certain she knew, but I told her that's Chinese writing and we don't understand that, but that it had been translated into English and we could understand that. I told her it might be a little hard for her to understand even the English translation and if she wants I can read it to her, but she didn't want me to at that time. She looked at the note and read part of it and seemed to be very pleased.

We also talked about how poor people in China are and that we think her Chinese family is probably very, very poor. I told her that we might sometimes say that we are poor here and that we don't have a lot of money, but that we are not poor at all compared to people in China. We tried to explain what type of house they might live in and what kinds of food they might eat if they are very poor, and how little food they might have. I told her that we will always have enough food here. We will never be hungry and we will always have clothes and a warm house. I also showed her the outfit she was found in, which she had never seen. She picked it up and smelled it and then put it next to her chin and just cuddled in to me with it.

On a different note. This is a conversation that we had in the car. Meikiina always talks about California and the earthquakes and Florida/Texas and the hurricanes. She talks alot about that she will live in both of those places. When we were driving home Gregg said something about Kansas being tornado alley. She picked up on that right away and kind of questioned it. Then when we dropped Gregg off to get the other car and it was just me and the girls in the car, Meikiina started asking about Kansas again and what is a tornado. I explained to her what a tornado is and she said, "I am going to live there some day." I am going to live in California at least 10 years, and in Florida and Kansas at least 10 years too. I said, "All those places have things like earthquakes and tornadoes, why is it that you want to live in those kinds of places?" She said, "So then people can see how brave I am." That was another heart breaker for me. The poor thing.

Wednesday

Again Gregg and I met with Melissa and talked about how the time had gone since we had been there Tuesday. We talk of parenting ideas and what might work better in certain situations and what is not working so well.

Meikiina met with Jessica and Jessie (intern). On the way there Meikiina commented she loves to come and loves to play with Jessica but she doesn't like it when we are all in the room together. I think she is thinking about things she doesn't want to think about, and it is scary and hard for her. She also told me she doesn't like when she is doing the thing with the glasses on with the music. Jessica told me tonight, tho, that Meikiina really seems to like it. She is pretty sure that she fell asleep during it.

Tonight during story time we told Meikiina the story of how we became a family...how I met Dad and how we got to know each other and how we became a family. We told about how we wanted our family to grow so we adopted her. Melissa had asked us how our family was as we were growing up and suggested that I also talk of that - tell Meikiina how it was to grow up in my family, what kinds of things we did as a family, special times, etc. I told her of how my mom got us up each morning and made sure that we had hot cereal each morning for breakfast and how now I make sure I make Oatmeal for breakfast at least one day on the weekend every week. I told her how my dad used to take us kids on nature walks through the woods and what a good memory that is for me, and how now we go on walks and bike rides on our paths and through our woods so that they can have that memory like I have. I talked of how our family played games Saturday evenings and how we play games in our family. I told her of how after sauna we always had a special treat, a pan of bars (or as Gregg brought up - chocolate oatmeal no bake cookies) or our dad would race last minute to Midway to get ice cream and pop to make floats and how now we make floats or go to McDonald's for an ice cream cone because we are a family and I want them to have memories like I have. She loves stories like that so she really enjoyed her cuddle/story time tonight I think. Always during this time she is doing EMDR. Meikiina calls it the bees.

Tonight Melissa told Meikiina that Jessica might not be there on Friday. Right away Meikiina tensed up and questioned it. Why!? Where will she be? It is very hard for Meikiina to have a change. Melissa knew that so she told her today so that Meikiina could be ready for it.

Today Meikiina brought her baby, Dorothy, and her life book that I created for her. Melissa told her that she has been working there for 13 years and has not seen any child who has a life book. She told Meikiina how lucky she is that she has parents who would go to such work to create something like that for her.

Our cuddle times at home are so good now. Meikiina is excited about them and very ready for them and very receptive of our cuddling and my talking.

At home cuddle time I was talking to Meikiina about how if she had been born to me, as I was feeding her her bottle I would have told her that she is a good baby, such a good baby. Babies are good - all babies are good. No baby is ever a bad baby. She stopped me and said, "But what if I when I was a baby, I would have lifted up my foot and kicked you in the face when you were holding me?". I told her, "Oh, even if you would have kicked me in the face you would not have been a bad baby. Babies are never bad. If a baby did kick their mama in the face it would only mean that the baby was excercising their leg like a baby does." I went on with saying, "How could a tinsy tiny little baby be bad? They are just little tinsy babies and tinsy babies can't do anything wrong or bad." I am more and more convinced that she really does have that feeling that she was a 'bad baby' and that's why her birth parents couldn't keep her.

Tuesday

Tonight the evening was laid out the same as the others. Melissa met with Gregg and me, while Jessica met with Meikiina.

Jessica writes an assessment of her observations regarding how Meikiina is during their time together, and we got to read through some of the assessment from her. It was actually very Meikiina. It was similar to what I hear about her from school. She's a lovely, polite, pleasing little girl. And she is. She works very, very hard in school to be like that - to be how she thinks she should be. But that is so hard on her - to work so hard to be 'good' that it causes extreme anxiety in her. Jessica says she is very polite and very much wants to please. She very graciously loses at games she plays with Jessica. Games is a very big concern for me. I get the feeling when she is playing games that to her they are not just games. If she loses a game she has a really hard time with it. But I always get the feeling that to her she's not losing a game, she's losing something much bigger.

They also did an assessment where Jessica started a sentence and Meikiina finished it. They were very typical Meikiina - nothing very surprising. One funny one - When I was a baby, I was...like a bowling ball. Gregg always tells her that when she was little she was so round and chubby that she was like a bowling ball.

Each time she is with Jessica she puts on these glasses and there are these flashing lights. As she's doing the glasses, she listens to music. I have to do more research on what these are and what they do. Something about the brain.

During our group time today we told Meikiina's adoption story. We told about how we came to decide that we would like to adopt a child and a bit about the adoption process.

Monday

Although she was anxious about it, Meikiina was excited all weekend to go back to see Jessica. She enjoyed her play time with her on Thursday. She kept on asking if she gets to play with Jessica again and I would tell her that I know for sure each time we go she will get to have play time.

Tonight while Meikiina was with Jessica, Gregg and I met with Melissa and talked about how the weekend went. I gave her a rundown of how the cuddle times had gone and how she was not receptive at all of a cuddle time at first, but was more and more receptive each one and by the end of the weekend she even seemed to enjoy it, although it kind of felt like she was feeling that she shouldn't let on to me that she enjoyed it.

We also talked about what we will do this evening in our group time. We decided to do more nurture time - talk alot of how we would have cared for her if she had been born to us. She was sitting with Gregg and he was talking to her and she was real stiff and not wanting to cuddle and I brought up Rascal. As soon as I started talking she sat up and moved over into my lap and cuddled down and just watched me. I started talking about how Rascal would have felt about us getting ready for our baby to be born if she had been born to us, how he would have acted as we were bringing things into the house to prepare for her arrival. I talked about how he would have acted when we would have brought her home and she was a tiny baby, how he would have stood on his hind legs and looked into the crib and mewed what a good baby she is. I talked about how he would have liked to be in the room that she was in when she was real tiny and how he would have followed her around as she started moving. She just loved that. Rascal was a big hit!

Being as I'm leaving by 6:00 in the morning and then won't be getting home til late I won't have much time to work with her during the week, but will do what I can. We got home about 9:30 and had homework. My most important homework today was to have cuddle time with Meikiina. So we did cuddle and I read to her, and sang to her, and I talked to her about how I would have done these things with her if she had been born to us. And now...on to the next one.

Weekend Cuddle Time

I am really hesitant about publishing this post. There is such personal information and it scares me a little that it could get back to Meikiina that I have 'shared' some of this. But for anyone to fully understand what the 2 week intensive is about it needs to be included. I may be criticized or at the least have eyes rolled about this, because I know it is hard to comprehend how this could help her. But I really want to do what I can to help my child heal and be able to grow into the best person she can be. Trust me, I have done hundreds (truly) of hours of research on my children and adoption and institutional living, etc. I need to do what I think is best for them and this is where I believe I need to go.

A little story. I have looked at this center in Deephaven for several years and have wished that I could bring Meikiina there for testing. My insurance hasn't covered it and as much as I would have loved to bring her there, I just couldn't afford with only my income, to pay for this out of my pocket. This year my insurance changed at work and now this center is covered by my insurance. It was an answer to many prayers.

Our homework for the weekend was to do cuddle time with Meikiina. On Friday Gregg told me Meikiina would not cuddle with him. She did not want to cuddle with me either. I didn't push it too hard, but I said matter of factly that it would be too bad if we didn't get to see the parade on Saturday cuz we weren't done with our Friday night and Saturday morning cuddles. She said we could cuddle in the morning and I said we could but we probably wouldn't be done by the time the parade started. She decided that we would cuddle.

Let me say, Meikiina does like to cuddle, but in the past it has always been in her control. If she wants to cuddle we can cuddle, if I want to initiate a cuddle it's not always accepted by her. There is a 'reason' for this, which I do understand with all the reading and research I've done. It probably sounds really far-fetched to someone who is not so familiar with adoption and the issues associated with adoption. She has been 'abandoned' too many times in her life. She is too scared to let someone love her. In her mind - when someone loves her they leave her. She 'needs' control of everything in her life. With control, comes safety and survival. And besides it just hurts too much to love/be loved and then be left.

On Thursday she did very well in our cuddle time at the center. Friday evening when we did cuddle, she was very 'detached' from me as I was holding her. She didn't want to be close. I asked her why and she said she doesn't need cuddles. I started playing with her nose and doing funny little things and she relaxed a bit into me. I was talking about how much I would have cuddled her when she was a tiny baby just born. She asked me, "Mom - what if when you were holding me when I was your baby someone came up and said to me (to Meikiina), 'What is zero minus zero?' and I didn't know, and then they said, 'Your baby is stupid!'" I told her, "I would have told them, "My baby is not stupid!'" I went on, "Little babies can't be stupid. How could they be? They are just little tiny babies and little babies can't ever do anything wrong, cuz they are just little tiny babies."

My gosh, my heart just cried for her. I've read and heard a lot that adoptees often wonder 'what is wrong with them' that they were not kept by their first family. Were they a bad baby, a stupid baby? Meikiina is one that has kept her thoughts inside her. She doesn't want to talk about 'before' this family.

Saturday she reluctantly let me cuddle her in the evening but then seemed to relax into me a bit more and accept it. On Sunday I told her that we need to do 3 cuddles as we only did one on Saturday and she really did not want to. When I said, "How about we do a bottle? Mom can feed you a bottle when we cuddle." She said, "Yes, we can do that. And how about we go buy some tuttis (sp?) and when I cry Dad can give me a tutti." I told her I thought that was a great idea. So in the afternoon we had a bottle/cuddle time and she just cuddled right into me and I talked and talked to her about how I would have taken care of her if she was mine when she was a tiny baby. Dad took Meikiina to the store to pick out some tuttis. Then in the evening I once more did a bottle/cuddle time with her and she turned into my baby. When she was done with her bottle, I gave her the tutti and kept cuddling her and told her again everything I would have done for her if she would have been mine from the beginning - I would have fed her and burped her and rocked and sang to her. I told her I would have never left her by herself and would have always come back for her.

The idea of cuddle time is to get her back to the time that she missed with us. This is not to try to change her story, but to fill in spots that were not filled for her in her infancy. This is to give her what we would have given her if she would have been born to us.

Because of all the research I have done, even starting before she was here, I did know a lot of things to watch for and things I could do to help her. I'm thankful that I did, because I have worked so hard, and I think that I really have helped her. Melissa said that Meikiina is mild compared to most of the kids she has seen, without prior work she could have oh, so much bigger issues. I'm thankful for that and thankful for what little knowledge and insight I had to do the hard work I have done with Meikiina thus far. Now there is more hard work to be done and we will do it and celebrate victories along the way.

Interesting evening

I have been concerned for some time about Meikiina's anxiety level. I just want to cry for her she is so anxious at times. We met with a therapist at the 'Family Attachment and Counseling Center' in Deephaven some months back to see if she thought we would benefit from us coming there with Meikiina. She sent a packet of paperwork and I filled it out and sent it back. She suggested that we do a 2 week 'intensive therapy' session where we all work together and they work with Meikiina to see what they come up with to try help her. Last night we started our 2 week long 'intensive' for Meikiina.

Our first activity of the evening Gregg, Meikiina, and I were in a room where they could see us by video. Gregg and I knew we were being taped (and watched), but Meikiina did not. We were given activity cards where the care givers read the cards and then we did the activity. Some of the activities were - caregiver read a book to child, caregiver build a simple structure with legos and child copy the structure, caregiver lotion child and child lotion caregiver, play thumb wrestling, caregiver draw a picture and child copy it, caregiver feed a snack to child and child feed a snack to caregiver, caregiver teach something new to child. When the lead therapist, Melissa, came to get us she asked Meikiina what she thought was Gregg's favorite activity and what mine was. She picked correctly. And we also guessed what we thought Meikiina's favorite activity was.

When we were done with the activities Melissa took Gregg and me into a room and Meikiina went into another room with a play therapist. Melissa went over the report she had done up from the paperwork I had done before we started the program. They were looking for things like reactive attachment disorder (RAD), anxiety, depression and other things. The only thing she tested 'clinical' in was anxiety. She tested high in both internalizing her anxiety and externalizing her anxiety. She didn't test high enough in anything else that they could even get approved (by insurance?) to work with her. So they will be working to see what they can do to help her with her anxiety. What Gregg taught her in the activity (mentioned above) was what squared means. She picked it up really quickly. Melissa said they had picked up watching her that she could be a perfectionist, and that she is quite smart (quick). She couldn't believe that she could pick up the concept of squared that quickly. One of the reasons I'm so concerned about her is that I've thought that she is quite smart, but she struggles so sooooo hard in school, especially with math and reading. When I'm with her in the classroom I can see and feel the anxiety in her. It's like she can't process things in school. Since she started school and has been doing spelling tests, she has only gotten about 5 to 7 words wrong on all the tests she's taken in 3 years. But she struggles in school to read out loud. Melissa agrees that there's something that doesn't make sense. Also, every report we get from school, says she is so good, polite, works hard, compassionate, friendly. Then when she comes home from school it all wants to come out. There are days she rages! She works really really hard to do everything right and do what she needs to do in school and then it needs to come out.

In play therapy they watch her play and can figure out lots of things by how she plays and what she plays with. She really enjoyed this too, playing with Jessica. Melissa said Jessica is especially good in picking out trouble spots in a child.

Melissa, the therapist, says that the school must be made to understand how different learning is for Meikiina in school vs. in a home or relaxed environment. She is going to let Meikiina get real comfortable with the play therapist and then will have her do an IQ test on her. She says these aren't always accurate, but she's hoping she can then use it as a tool to help Meikiina in the school setting.

The last thing we did was a narrative therapy session. I held Meikiina while I told her what I would have done with her and for her if she had been my baby from the very beginning. While I was holding her she also was doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). She holds these tube things in her hands. They buzz in her hands at alternating times - one buzzes and then the other one buzzes.

I won't talk too much about what we will be doing. I will try to keep updated here as we are going through the sessions.

Garden update

Here are a couple pictures of the garden. I don't know what happened with the peas and beans. About 1/3 of the row of peas did not come up. I noticed birds were really pecking away in it soon after we planted it and I am wondering if they pecked out a lot of seeds. We also planted 2 seeds in each hole and not one came up with 2 plants. Each place a plant came up, only one plant came up, not two. The beans were like that too. Gregg did replant some in each row, and a few new plants are coming, but still not as many as he planted. Hmmmm... Well, whatever comes up will be fun. We will learn each year. I am so happy that we got a garden started. Our other little garden does have watermelon plants just coming up today too. We should get a harvest as these watermelons said 70 days from planting to harvest. We'll see.

We did have to put wire around it as the rabbits were loving the pepper plants, and were nipping leaves off the first day after they were planted.

Parties, picnics, and bike rides...

June has been birthday parties, well only 2 so far, but...

My supervisor is of Japanese and Brazilian decent and we talk together about our kids a lot. Her son, Matteus turned 6 in June and she invited the girls to his birthday party on June 6th. He had his party at a place called 'My Gym' so of course the girls had a great time. It was organized play so it wasn't like they got to be too wild or anything, but they did have fun. Of course the pinata was a big hit too, well the candy in it. She was pleased that we came and Matteus loved the gift that Meikiina picked out for him. I can't ever remember what they are called, but little boys that age love them. No good pictures from this party. I took the camera, but both sets of batteries I had with died.

This weekend Meikiina was invited to a birthday party at Chucky Cheese for a neighbor boy. She rode over with her friend from across the street and her mom. She loves to go to Chucky Cheese, had a great time using up her tokens, and came home with a little prize that she was more than pleased with.

When she got home from Chucky Cheese we went to a FCC (Families with Children from China) picnic at the most fun park. It is always fun to get together with other families with Chinese children. The girls had fun playing with the other kids on the playground and then on a most fun looking slash pad. We didn't get there too early so didn't get to spend too much time with the other families, but it was fun anyway. The girls did not want to leave and we were there long after everyone else was gone.

Here Brynlee was hitting Meikiina as often as she could, but howled if Meikiina hit her!

She hates getting her face wet in the shower, but went under these buckets many times!

Brrrr..... So cold!

On Sunday we went bike riding, the girls and I. As we were biking past the lake, which was quite active with boats and jet skiis, Brynlee got real excited and said, "Look mom, there's someone ice skiing (water skiing) behind that boat. We stood there for quite awhile and watched the 'ice skiing' on the water. On our way home we went through the park and stopped to play for a bit, as we do quite often.

Busy, busy, busy

I've had so many things I've wanted to put on here and haven't had a minute to sit and put down a thought. I've been so busy with year end at work, with long days and at work late for the last 2 weeks. I'm sure I won't remember anything I've been wanting to get down.

It's so hard on us when I have the long days and I literally don't get to see the girls for days at a time. It's especially hard on Meikiina. Deep inside her she's still so scared that she will lose another family. She's been very good about my being gone, but calls me at bedtime and I can hear the loneliness and fear in her voice, even as she's being so brave about it. She had her last day of school on June 4th. I hadn't seen the girls from Sunday when I put them to bed until I got home from work (late, but before they fell asleep) on Wednesday. They were beyond excited to see me when I got home that day. The next morning I stayed home until Meikiina got on the bus for her last day of school. She was so happy that I stayed and saw her off to school. Here's a picture of her and her best neighborhood friend going off to the bus on the last day of school. She wasn't real excited about being done with school. She said she will miss seeing her friends. But I think she's enjoying being home. She's having fun and seems so much more relaxed already.


During Meikiina's last week of school Brynlee went fishing with Gregg. She caught her first fish, and second, and third, and all the way up to 21 fish between the two of them. I asked Gregg to bring the camera with them in case they caught anything. Here's Brynlee with one of her big catches.

Ever since I've moved into my house I've wanted a garden. This year we finally decided we will have a garden. Gregg wanted a boxed in garden so we discussed how we would do it and kept talking about we need to get the lumber to build the boxes, but never got it done all spring. Some neighbors have been building and had a pile of lumber in their yard for many weeks and I kept on telling Gregg that he should ask if they are getting rid of it and he went a couple of times and no one was home. Finally one day I saw them loading it up to bring away and told Gregg to go ask what they are doing with it. Most of it they were bring back to the store for a refund, but there were these 2 - 2"x12"x26' boards that they said they couldn't bring back and did we want them for $20. He told us that he had paid $75 each for them. We didn't know for sure if we believed him but we thought $20 was a good enough deal and we took them. A few days later the guy who fixed our house after the last hail storm stopped by and asked us why we had them and Gregg told him the story. He told us they are worth about $150. So we had our boards for our boxes.

Then I started bugging Gregg about dirt - call and price dirt, call and price dirt. He finally called a couple of places and we decided we would get dirt from the same place that I had bought the black dirt for my yard when I moved in and we would get it as soon as we got back from memorial day weekend. As soon as we drove in the driveway from our camping weekend our next door neighbor came out and brought us our mail and asked us if we want some black dirt for free. His next door neighbor had done some yard work and needed to get rid of the rest of the black dirt. So Gregg hauled over the black dirt and we built the box for the back yard and we had a garden spot. Now we've planted it and the plants are starting to come up. I'm so excited. Here's a picture a few days after we planted it and you can see the lettuce coming up already in this picture. Now all the plants are coming up. We just finished putting in another box on the side of the house, but I'm not sure if it's too late to plant stuff in that one.


One more topic. Gregg is a shopper and he loves garage saling so they usually hit a few garage sales a week. Meikiina is a shoe girl. She loves, loves!, shoes - especially high heeled shoes. She always wants me to buy her high heeled shoes and she wants me to wear high heels. She called me at work one day when they got back from a bunch of real good garage sales and told me all the treasures she had found. Then she told me about how she found these high heels that she figured would fit me and she told me she really wanted to get them for me. Oh, how she wanted to buy them for me. She told me that she thought they would look so nice on me, but that I would put them and she could just imagine me going up the stairs and just waddling like a duck. Yeah, they were nice, but she was just scared that I would just waddle, waddle like a duck. I was laughing so hard at work, and trying not to let her know I was laughing. Honestly, she wasn't saying it to be mean, because I know that she wouldn't have a clue that it could be a mean thing to say. She was so sincere. She always want to buy thing for me and gives me all kinds of little treasures to take to work so that when I look at it I can think of her and know that she loves me. Who knows. I just got a good laugh and I'm laughing again as I type this.

At the end of the conversation Meikiina says to me, "Oh, and Mom! You have to talk to Brynlee!" I asked her what about. She told me about a comment made by Brynlee. They are at a garage sale that apparently didn't have a lot of stuff that Brynlee was interested in and so she announced very loudly, "What a bogus garage sale!" Meikiina told me that the lady looked at them and had a sad look on her face. But the comment is very Brynlee style. I don't have a clue where she heard the word 'bogus' but I think maybe she was trying out the word. We talked to her and tried to tell her that that is a very hurtful comment and that you can't say something like that in front of someone. You don't have to like the garage sale, but you don't say anything about it when you are at the garage sale. When you go and get in the car then maybe you can say something , but it's not ok to say something that will hurt someone's feelings - not even garage sale people.