China Reunion and Garden Update

China Reunion~

Today was China reunion. What fun. We enjoy it more and more each time we go. This year we got to see our new Chinese cousin at the reunion. That was fun. She loves Meikiina, gives her a big smile every time she sees her. I couldn't take a picture of her because I had lost my camera. Her mama took some pictures of her with my girls and will email them to me. She's such a cutie! We also got to visit with a family that traveled at the same time I did when I went to get Meikiina. We didn't get to visit with them super long, but it's always fun to say hi and keep in touch a little with how they are doing.

At the reunion we got to have faces painted, paint Chinese fans (above), watch awesome drummers, jump in an air jumper, listen to Chinese story tellers, make a Chinese kite, visit lots of vendors with so many neat Chinese items for sale, have snacks, and more.

We also participated in a silent auction. We 'won' 2 items we bid on. Meikiina was very excited about one of the items we won. She so badly wanted to win a Furga brand Chinese baby doll that was displayed there. I really did not think we would have a chance. Only one other family was bidding on it, and we got it. She was so excited that we won. We named the baby Jade Lin. Meikiina has been taking really good care of her. We also won tickets to a Circus Juventas performance of 'Yulong the Jade Dragon' for August 1. Gregg was so excited about that. It will be really fun to go to that. One of our favorite events at Chinese events is the Chinese circus, and this year they were not there. This will make up for that.

All in all - we had a great time and we are all glad that we went.

Garden ~

Now for a garden update picture. The garden is growing like crazy. I still have to finish thinning the carrots and the peas are even crazier, but it's fun!

This is a fun 'garden' picture. Every year I plant flowers in a little spot I made special for flowers when I bought the house. Every year, Gregg tells me he's going to plant peppers in that spot, that it would be a perfect spot for peppers. Every year I tell him, "No way-that is my flower bed." This year when I was planting my flowers there I noticed a different type of flower mixed in with my petunias. I tried to separate the other plant from the petunia, but the roots were just stuck, so I left it and thought, hmmmm...I wonder what type of flower that is. I thought I would just leave it and see what it grew into. One day Gregg called me at work and said, "Did you know you have a pepper plant in with your flowers?" I told him that I did not know that. He said, "And it has peppers already growing on it." Then I realized that it was that plant that I had seen and left in with the flowers. We have laughed about that a lot. He finally got his pepper plant there. See the pepper plant below with the peppers on it.

Doctor visit

Yesterday was Meikiina's well check. She grew 2.5" and gained 6.5 pounds. She is again at 50th percentile for both height and weight. This is the third year in a row that she has been a 50th percentile for both height and weight so she is growing exactly as she should. Dr. Benson was very pleased.

When the nurse told Meikiina that she didn't have to have any shots, Meikiina was SO happy. She always worries so much about shots. Then the nurse scored even bigger when she told Meikiina that she doesn't have to have any shots until she is 11! She just chattered and chattered to the nurse after that. I was amazed as she is not much for chattering to just anyone. She's usually pretty reserved

Dr. Benson and I talked a long time about several things. One - I was concerned about allergies. We really would love to get a cat. We miss having Rascal around and would really love to get another cat. Meikiina always had kind of itchy eyes and under her eyes was the purple coloring that always makes me think of allergies. About a year after we lost Rascal, I noticed that Meikiina was not rubbing her eyes and they looked so good and I started thinking that I bet she has allergies. I then started noticing that any time we were somewhere that there were cats, she would hold them and pet them and cuddle them and would start rubbing her eyes. I discussed with him the reactions Meikiina has when she is around cats. I also described 2 severe reactions she has had when she has been petting horses. She got major hives all over her face both times. One time her auntie Nurse Janelle was with her when this happened and she was very concerned. Anyway Dr. Benson said we could test if we want, but if she is having reactions like this, she is for sure allergic to cats and horses. So no kitty for us. :-( Also, if she will be around horses we have to start treating her the day before with an allergy medication so that she doesn't react to them. The doctor did say that we most likely could get a dog if we want a pet. He suggested that we test it by having Meikiina visit and play with dogs, where we know that they are not around cats or horses and see if she has a reaction to it. If she doesn't we should be pretty safe in getting a dog. Now we have to decide if we can change our hearts into doggy hearts. Yes, I love dogs. We always had dogs growing up. But I love big dogs and I just can't see having a big dog in the city. Doesn't seem fair to me. It's a big decision and we'll just have to see what happens.

Meikiina with our beloved Rascal

The other thing we talked about alot was anxiety and perfectionism. As we've talked about alot lately, Meikiina has high anxiety. She is also a perfectionist. He gave me lots of ideas to help us out although right at the moment I can't even think of specific things we talked about here. Alot of what we talked about here was almost more to help me out, to help me feel better about being her mom. Meikiina was also very impressed with Dr. Benson. She chattered to him too. She wasn't going to let him go she was so enjoying talking to him.

So we had a good healthy growing year, and I look forward to the upcoming year to see what it brings.

Meikiina's Birthday Party

We had a birthday party for Meikiina at a park in Big Lake. In the morning we didn't know for sure if it was gonna be an outside party kind of day, but it turned out to be a beautiful day! It was perfect weather for a party in a park. We had three families come for the party and I think everyone had fun. We grilled hotdogs and had chips and pop, and then had the cake.

The adults got to have really nice visits and the kids all had a blast playing. I just don't get to see my sisters often enough and I really enjoyed visiting with them.

Once again - Happy Birthday, Meikiina ~ my sweet girl!

Here is Meikiina opening her present on her actual birthday at home.

It's a DS!

At the park she couldn't wait for the others to get there to open her present from Brynlee

- a Junie B Jones book.

Putting the candles on her cake as cousins look on.

Just after the candles were blown out.

Playing with one of her presents - sidewalk chalk with 3D glasses.

On the playground playing with cousins.

The littlest party person.

The moms!

Meikiina is 8!!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday Dear Meikiina!

Happy Birthday to you!

Eight!?

How could you be 8 years old, Meikiina? Where did the time go? You are my big girl, but you will also, always be my baby. :-) I can't believe that all this time has gone by. It seems like yesterday that I was in China seeing you for the first time, Meikiina. What a special day this is to me. I am so proud of you. I am so happy and feel so blessed to be your mama.

I know that you are in the thoughts of others too. I am certain that your birthparents are also thinking about you today. I am certain that they think of you often, and with special thoughts for you on your birthday. I thank God that your birthparents chose the gift of life for you and I wish that I could tell them that you are ok, and you are so loved.

Thank you God, and thank you China and birthparents for the gift of Meikiina. What a special gift she has been to me.

Happy Birthday, my special big girl, Meikiina! I love you so much!

XXXOOO
Mama
(Birthday Party post tomorrow.)

Garden Update

Here is a couple of new garden pictures taken today. The carrots need to be thinned and the beans are not growing super fast. I haven't been able to spend much time out there lately, but it's fun to watch it growing. Meikiina with some of our first lettuce.

(There will be more blogs with prior dates from our 2 week intensive. I will publish as I finish them.

Thursday

Today was our last day for the intensive. The play therapists worked on imaginative things with Meikiina. We talked about the results of the IQ retest. Once again Melissa was amazed. In the section they redid, Meikiina jumped 13 points, which Melissa said is unheard of. She said that experts would not even accept that - they say it is not possible to jump more than 10 points. Just the difference of the biofeedback before the test jumped her way up. She said by retaking this portion it put her in the normal range for the whole test. What I thought of was if after doing biofeedback, she jumped like this in her worst section, what would her score have been if she had taken the whole test after biofeedback. I think it would have been high. But this really proved my point that she has a really hard time testing for some reason. I think she is so anxious during a test that she just can't do it.

We also went over a lot of options and ideas of what we can do and what direction we can go in the future. I've made an appointment for her to have sensory integration dysfunction testing in September. That will be interesting because I have always thought that she may have sensory issues. I will also almost certainly buy a lights/sounds (biofeedback) machine. That is actually something we all can use. We also got info on how we can start to work with the school to help give Meikiina an environment that might make absorbing her learning easier for her.

In about 6 weeks we will get an intensive report from Melissa on her observations and opinions/diagnoses of Meikiina. It will be very interesting to see what she says in her report.

In our storytelling we took Meikiina's China photo albums and talked about coming to China to get her. This was a good way to end this because we talked about the fun memories of our China trip and how happy we are that we were so blessed to be able to become a family.

So now on with the rest of our life. I am sure we will still see Melissa. We will at least make a check-in appointment in several weeks to see if we are still on track. But I will continue to update on how and where we are going on this life journey.

Wednesday

We heard the results of the IQ test that she did yesterday. Well, we didn't really, because they couldn't really even score all of it. She said in all her years working in this field she has never seen this. She said you can see that she is very bright. But when she was testing she would be working and then she would reach a point that she was a little unsure and she would freeze up and she couldn't go further in that section. A portion of her had closed down and she couldn't get in. Now this was the evening that we were late. I'm sure it was a little stressing in the car. We walked in and they didn't do anything else and just started the test. Not good! One example - What would you do if you saw that your neighbor's house was on fire? Answer - Call 911. Not Meikiina's answer. Meikiina's answer, "What!? That could happen?" They couldn't give her a score for that. :-) A big problem here might be perfectionism. (I can't get it wrong. If I don't answer the question I won't get it wrong.) Melissa was extremely puzzled. She said she can't figure out why she tested like this. She said Meikiina is obviously bright. She played so nicely, knew when it was her turn and took turns nicely, didn't freak out when she lost, was knowledgeable in conversation while playing, etc. She said she scored similar to a child who sat and played with handcuffs locking and unlocking and staring at her the whole session. She can't figure out why Meikiina would test like this. This is exactly why I am concerned. Why!!

When we got there tonight they took Meikiina and had her do lights and sounds (biofeedback), which totally relaxes her. After that was done, they redid one portion of the IQ test - the portion that she did the worst in. They did a totally different test, nothing that she had heard the day before so to her it was a totally new test. (Note: Tomorrow's blog I will discuss further development on the IQ test.)

We discussed long what could be 'wrong' with her. She is severely anxious. We know that - is that all? Not to say there is anything 'all' about that. That is so huge. Is she ADD? If she is should she be medicated? I am hugely against medicating kids. I'm not saying that I think anyone is wrong for doing it. I just have such fears doing it myself. It seems there are way too many ADHD or ADD kids these days. What are the pros and cons of medicating if she would have ADD? She may be able to 'calm' enough in class that her brain doesn't freeze up and she may be able to complete her work. Gregg and I saw a study that says that there is no proof that medicating for ADD increases classroom learning.

My thoughts are that there is a neuropath that was not developed due to the circumstances in her infancy, or something wrong in the brain. If that is the case, if she is on medication does this 'cure' that? Because the medication could calm her enough to learn, does this also heal her brain? Or if she then comes off the medication her brain is exactly the same so she still has the same exact problem, but it was just hidden for awhile? Melissa didn't know the answer to that. We want her cured/healed. We don't just want to do what is the easiest for us. But then is that fair to Meikiina, if medication calms her anxiety down and helps her learn, that we say we don't want medication. We want to do what we have to to heal her. Ok, where is that book? That one that tells us what to do in our child rearing? All this is a big if. We did do a test that will help Melissa determine if she is ADD. She may not be. Does she have some other type of learning disability? If she would have a learning disability Melissa said that it can be very hard to determine what it might be.

Well, we have started. I think it will be a long road with many bumps and curves. But we will struggle through and be the best parents we can be to her. We will try our hardest to do what we need to do in order for her to succeed in life.

Our story tonight was called, "The Little Fairy." The little fairy thought she was born a bad fairy baby. Her fairy godmother appeared one day and told her how she could be rid of the 'curse' of thinking she is a bad fairy. All she had to do is whenever her mom or dad told her she is good she had to say, "Yes, I am a good fairy." and she really had to believe she is a good fairy. One day after she had worked on this really hard and long she saw a puff of dust and she noticed the curse was gone.

Tuesday

Very interesting evening! First - we got there late because traffic had been cut down to 1 lane on part of 94 and Gregg got stuck in that. But when we finally got there, Meikiina had an IQ test done while we were in with Melissa. Not sure when we will find the results of that. We talked about the evening before and today and what we would talk about in our group.

Then Melissa went over the test that she had done with Gregg and me about Meikiina. This is the chronological age test. You can tell pretty much I think what each would represent. For example in communication - receptive and expressive are communication she uses to listen and talk. She scored at chronological age (which means years of age) in each category as follows:

Communication
Receptive - 11y 0m (chronological age years and months)
Expressive - 10y 6m
Written - 8y 0m

Daily Living Skills
Personal - 5y 11m *
Domestic - 10y 5m
Community - 9y 10m

Socialization
Interpersonal Relationships - 11y 3m
Play and Leisure time - 10y 6 m
Coping Skills - 8y 6m

Maladaptive Behavior Index
Internalizing - Elevated
Externalizing - Elevated

Edited: I'm not sure what happend here. I had a note for the * and I just noticed that it is not here. The reason she scored lower here is because she does not like to brush her hair or wash her face, etc. The reason she doesn't is because I believe she has some sensory issues and is extra sensitive in these two areas.

I am not surprised really. It proves more to me that she is very smart and what is going on in school is not normal.

In group we kind of sat around a bit and Meikiina was feeding Dorothy and then she said, "Well, are we having stories?" So we told stories. We told about working really hard to learn something, and keeping on trying until we mastered it. Gregg and I both told about learning to tie our shoes and learning to ride our bikes.

Some comments she made tonight. I called her sweetheart. She has had a real hard time hearing this from people, especially from Gregg. She has said, "You can't call me that!" Melissa has suggested that maybe she thinks that she doesn't have a sweet heart. Both Gregg and I said, "Yes, that's what it is." We had never thought of that before. Well, anyway when I used the term 'sweetheart' in a sentence tonight, I then said, "You are a sweetheart, you know!" She answered me, "Yes, I am, cuz I have a sweet heart." Yes! :-) I told her, "You sure do have a sweet heart."

Later when we were doing our cuddle time, she wanted to be in control of the situation. I kind of wasn't letting her and she really didn't like that. But after I was telling her what a good person she is and she said, "No, I'm a bad person!" I asked her why she thought she was a bad person and she couldn't or wouldn't tell me. I tried to tell her over and over that she is a good person, but she wasn't receptive to that.

After cuddle time, Meikiina told me that she has an idea. I asked her what her idea was and she said, "When we go to Walmart next maybe we could buy some babyfood." I told her that I thought that was a good idea. She said I could feed her like a baby. I agreed and then she said that she likes me to treat her like a baby, but she doesn't always want me to treat her like a baby, like she doesn't want me to talk to her like she's a baby all day or anything like that. I asked her if she likes it just at times like we've been doing, I cuddle with her and let her be my baby. She said that that is a good amount of time.

Monday

Tonight we finished the chronological age test for Meikiina. Melissa said she scored very high pretty much throughout. She will score it tomorrow and we will see results on Wednesday.

Tonight we got a Murphy-Meisgeier test back that they did on Meikiina by asking her questions (without our input). This is the Myers Briggs personality test for children. I can see that the way she scored on this is just the way we answered our questions on the chronological test where Gregg and I were answering the questions. Very interesting.

Meikiina is ISFJ - Introverted 63.8% (vs Extroverted), Sensing 99.5% (vs Intuition), Feeling 99.9% (vs Thinking), Judging 98.4% (vs Perceiving).

People who prefer Introversion (how we get energy from others and from our environment):
Like working on their own or with small groups.
Like making choices inside their mind, and then telling.
Get tired when working with others for a long time.
Can't talk about it when upset, angry, or embarrassed.

People who prefer Sensing (how we take in info to learn and how we talk and share our ideas):
Like information presented in order.
Like complete directions.
Like to know all the facts to understand the whole idea.
Like producing more than designing.
Like many examples to prove a point.

People who prefer Feeling (how we make decisions and form relationships):
Work hard to do their best.
Enjoy cooperating to achieve their best.
Trust others to help in good ways.
Are sensitive to others' feelings; are careful not to say things they think might hurt others
Like to help people solve their problems.
Make choices based on what they think is most important for others and for them.

People who prefer Judging (how we organize and plan to get our work done):
Like to plan and then use that plan.
Like to get their work done first, then relax.
Like to know what will happen next.
Have a difficult time thinking when the deadline is near and the project is not done.
Want to complete one project before beginning another.

ISFJ Strengths and Stretches
Strengths. You ...
Use friendly ways to get others to work together.
Are very responsible for doing what needs to be done now.
Like to do things now to help others.
Are quiet and observant.
Have a good memory for details. *
Work and work until the job is done.
Care about helping others be their best. *

Stretches. It is harder for you to ...
Be with others you think are selfish. *
Work in a classroom where the rules keep changing. *
Feel unappreciated. *
Ask others for help. *
Tell others when you are upset. *

* are very Meikiina. The others are too, but not as strong.

There's more, but too much typing. I am amazed at how accurate this is. This was done by working with only Meikiina without Gregg or me present.

Melissa mentioned that Meikiina is very nice, polite, etc. - just like I hear always. But they have picked up that she does not have complete fantasy play. She dresses Barbies, but she doesn't go further than that, etc. She doesn't really know how to fantasize. She said this is very common with children with severe anxiety. It also tends to go with the type of personality she is indicated as being on the test they did on her.

In group we wanted to touch on Meikiina's being left by her birth parents and a little of what we thought their thoughts and feelings were. We also wanted to go into how Meikiina felt being left. I didn't want to write it as Meikiina so instead did a story of Little Emperor.

I wrote a story about Little Emperor's birth to parents who loved him very much and how they knew he was a good and very nice baby. His birthparents were very poor and didn't have the ability to care for any baby at that time. They were so poor they didn't have enough food to make sure that this baby didn't get hungry and they knew they didn't have enough clothes that they could make sure he was always warm. The birthparents thought and thought about what they could do. They finally decided that if someone could adopt Little Emperor then maybe that baby they loved so much wouldn't have to be hungry or cold. So they thought of a plan. They thought - if they leave Little Emperor in a safe place someone will quickly find him and then be can be adopted. So with many tears they did that - they made a bottle and left Little Emperor with a bottle in the safe place to be found.

Little Emperor was sleeping when his parents carefully placed him down. But soon he woke up and he looked around and he was scared. He wondered where he was and where his parents were. He was scared and thought what if strangers pick me up. Of course he was tiny and he couldn't understand how poor his parents were. He was so tiny that he also wouldn't understand that even though his birthparents knew that he was a good baby and knew that he had never done anything wrong, that they just didn't have the ability to care for a baby right now.

I went into a little more, but this was the gist of it. She seems to like the stories.

Saturday/Sunday

The weekend flew by of course. We didn't really do a whole lot except cuddle time. She was a little distant about wanting to do it, but once we did she sure enjoyed it and would just cuddle in.

Friday

This morning for the very first time ever, Meikiina made a comment about her birth mother. When she was coming out of the shower, she said, "I wonder what my birth mother is doing right now." I said, "I do too, I wonder what she is doing. What do you think she is doing?" Meikiina said, "Maybe she is making me a card." I told her, "I bet she is. I do know that she is thinking about you. I know she thinks about you alot and is remembering you specially on your birthday." She was so happy.

When I was telling Melissa our story from the evening before about what Meikiina had said about all the places she wants to live and why, she said, "She's not feeling very brave, is she?" And Melissa was right, she doesn't feel very brave.

Tonight we talked about when we got Rascal. He was found on the side of the road and then we took him into our family. He had been with several people before us and was a bit scared. We had to work very hard with him to get him to trust us and to love us. Rascal also worked very hard to learn to trust and love us. When he finally figured out that he was ours, he loved us so much - we were for sure in his heart. He is also still in all of our hearts.

We did a project tonight to show who is in our heart. We talked about how there are many people in our life, but some of these people we hold in our heart. Our project was to show who was in our heart. So each of us drew pictures of who we hold in our hearts. Meikiina drew all her special people on one side of her sheet and then turned her sheet over and drew a heart and put her special people in the heart. Then on the side of the big heart she drew a black heart and colored it in. Melissa asked about that one. Meikiina said all the people that didn't fit in the other heart are in that one, like her birthfamily. We then talked about what happens if someone passes away, or if someone is angry, etc. Do they stay in your heart or do they have to leave. And what if someone joins the family, does the heart get crowded, is there less room? No, it grows and we can fit them in our heart too and it doesn't make any less room for the people that were in there before.

Thursday

Today we started answering a series of questions to find out where Meikiina tests in a chronological age. Tonight we only did a few sections, but Melissa said she's scoring very high. This is a test that is done on Meikiina by asking Gregg and me questions.

Tonight in group time our story theme was of birth family. I started out by telling Meikiina that she has two sets of parents (which of course she knows). I said the first parents she had we call her birth parents. They are in China and are the ones that gave birth to her and gave her things like her birthday and her looks. Her second parents are her dad and me. We are her parents right now and we will be her parents forever. We love her and will never leave her and will be a part of her life forever. I told her that we know that she was a good baby, because she is with us and we have seen what a good baby she was. I told her that I know her birth parents loved her very much and that they also knew what a good baby she was. They said that she was very loved and that with many tears she was placed in her finding spot because they did not have the ability to care for a baby at that time. They said that she was a very good baby and that she was not sick and that they hoped that she could be adopted by someone that could give her good care. I told her that I knew this, because I had a note that said that her birthparents had said this and asked her if she wanted to see the note. She said yes, so I showed her the note we had received when we went back to the orphanage when she was 4 years old. She took it and looked at the Chinese writing on the original note and said, "I don't understand this writing." I'm certain she knew, but I told her that's Chinese writing and we don't understand that, but that it had been translated into English and we could understand that. I told her it might be a little hard for her to understand even the English translation and if she wants I can read it to her, but she didn't want me to at that time. She looked at the note and read part of it and seemed to be very pleased.

We also talked about how poor people in China are and that we think her Chinese family is probably very, very poor. I told her that we might sometimes say that we are poor here and that we don't have a lot of money, but that we are not poor at all compared to people in China. We tried to explain what type of house they might live in and what kinds of food they might eat if they are very poor, and how little food they might have. I told her that we will always have enough food here. We will never be hungry and we will always have clothes and a warm house. I also showed her the outfit she was found in, which she had never seen. She picked it up and smelled it and then put it next to her chin and just cuddled in to me with it.

On a different note. This is a conversation that we had in the car. Meikiina always talks about California and the earthquakes and Florida/Texas and the hurricanes. She talks alot about that she will live in both of those places. When we were driving home Gregg said something about Kansas being tornado alley. She picked up on that right away and kind of questioned it. Then when we dropped Gregg off to get the other car and it was just me and the girls in the car, Meikiina started asking about Kansas again and what is a tornado. I explained to her what a tornado is and she said, "I am going to live there some day." I am going to live in California at least 10 years, and in Florida and Kansas at least 10 years too. I said, "All those places have things like earthquakes and tornadoes, why is it that you want to live in those kinds of places?" She said, "So then people can see how brave I am." That was another heart breaker for me. The poor thing.

Wednesday

Again Gregg and I met with Melissa and talked about how the time had gone since we had been there Tuesday. We talk of parenting ideas and what might work better in certain situations and what is not working so well.

Meikiina met with Jessica and Jessie (intern). On the way there Meikiina commented she loves to come and loves to play with Jessica but she doesn't like it when we are all in the room together. I think she is thinking about things she doesn't want to think about, and it is scary and hard for her. She also told me she doesn't like when she is doing the thing with the glasses on with the music. Jessica told me tonight, tho, that Meikiina really seems to like it. She is pretty sure that she fell asleep during it.

Tonight during story time we told Meikiina the story of how we became a family...how I met Dad and how we got to know each other and how we became a family. We told about how we wanted our family to grow so we adopted her. Melissa had asked us how our family was as we were growing up and suggested that I also talk of that - tell Meikiina how it was to grow up in my family, what kinds of things we did as a family, special times, etc. I told her of how my mom got us up each morning and made sure that we had hot cereal each morning for breakfast and how now I make sure I make Oatmeal for breakfast at least one day on the weekend every week. I told her how my dad used to take us kids on nature walks through the woods and what a good memory that is for me, and how now we go on walks and bike rides on our paths and through our woods so that they can have that memory like I have. I talked of how our family played games Saturday evenings and how we play games in our family. I told her of how after sauna we always had a special treat, a pan of bars (or as Gregg brought up - chocolate oatmeal no bake cookies) or our dad would race last minute to Midway to get ice cream and pop to make floats and how now we make floats or go to McDonald's for an ice cream cone because we are a family and I want them to have memories like I have. She loves stories like that so she really enjoyed her cuddle/story time tonight I think. Always during this time she is doing EMDR. Meikiina calls it the bees.

Tonight Melissa told Meikiina that Jessica might not be there on Friday. Right away Meikiina tensed up and questioned it. Why!? Where will she be? It is very hard for Meikiina to have a change. Melissa knew that so she told her today so that Meikiina could be ready for it.

Today Meikiina brought her baby, Dorothy, and her life book that I created for her. Melissa told her that she has been working there for 13 years and has not seen any child who has a life book. She told Meikiina how lucky she is that she has parents who would go to such work to create something like that for her.

Our cuddle times at home are so good now. Meikiina is excited about them and very ready for them and very receptive of our cuddling and my talking.

At home cuddle time I was talking to Meikiina about how if she had been born to me, as I was feeding her her bottle I would have told her that she is a good baby, such a good baby. Babies are good - all babies are good. No baby is ever a bad baby. She stopped me and said, "But what if I when I was a baby, I would have lifted up my foot and kicked you in the face when you were holding me?". I told her, "Oh, even if you would have kicked me in the face you would not have been a bad baby. Babies are never bad. If a baby did kick their mama in the face it would only mean that the baby was excercising their leg like a baby does." I went on with saying, "How could a tinsy tiny little baby be bad? They are just little tinsy babies and tinsy babies can't do anything wrong or bad." I am more and more convinced that she really does have that feeling that she was a 'bad baby' and that's why her birth parents couldn't keep her.