Is it really real?

Today it feels real.  Really real!  Today I sent off the first half of the agency fee.  I won't mention an amount here because I don't want people to think that this is about money.  I think about an adoption as the way I have been blessed with my children.  But to be realistic, you do have to have a good amount of available cash in order to adopt.  And this fee was large enough that if you commit to sending this fee, you have committed to working with this agency to bring your child home. 

Now I think about you, my child and dream, and wonder.  Where are you my little one?  What are you doing right now?  How old are you?  I don't even know yet if you are a boy or girl.  I do know that you are in my heart and that I long for you to be in my arms.  I don't even know you yet, but my heart already overflows with love for you.  May God watch over you while we wait to meet.

I also think of  another mother, a mother we will always talk with you about, your birth mother.  Is she holding you in her arms right now, knowing that she can't keep you?  Is she longing for you too because you are no longer with her?  I don't know, we may never know. But I do know that I will always be thankful that she gave birth to you, precious one, so that you could join our family.

... and another step!

Wow!  I did it!  I finished another application packet.  This time for CHSFS.  It will be in the mail tomorrow!  I'm just moving right along. 

I also got my welcome email from CHI today.

• "Welcome to Children's House International!  Your application has been received and your file has been opened." 

What a great feeling!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I got an email from CHI that they received my application today and that they will be sending me my official welcome letter tomorrow!  Yay!  What a great Valentine's Day gift!

I worked really hard on my home study application this weekend and got it almost all filled out.  There are a couple more things I need to figure out.  Like exactly where I lived and when I lived there since I turned 18!  I figured out the where I lived part.  Now I need to figure out the years I lived in those places. 

I was going to write a bit on Chinese New Year, but I think I will do that tomorrow.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Adoption Study

Today I received a packet from CHSFS.  The packet contained lots of paperwork to fill out to get me started on my adoption study (home study).  There are lots of forms to fill out for general information, educational information, work information, health information, family information, background checks, every place I've lived since I was 18, and so on.   There are also forms to drop off at the doctors offices, and reference letter forms for me to send out to have people write reference letters for me.  The list goes on. 

I'm so happy I received it today so I could get it all filled out over the weekend and into the mail and back to them on Monday, hopefully.

One more step closer.

One More Baby Step

One more tiny step.  Today I ordered my raised stamp certified birth certificates.  That's one more thing I can cross off my list of things I need.

Baby, Here I Come!

Now I have really officially started.  Today I sent off the application to the adoption agency I am using. There were also a couple of other forms that I sent along with it, so the first paperwork is off. And along with the paperwork, most important, I sent the application fee.

I sent the 'Family Information' form to Children's Home Society & Family Services a couple days ago. This is the first basic information so that they can start the home study. This is the same agency I used for Mei and Bee so they are familiar with me and I'm hoping this process goes quickly.

The adoption agency I'm using, Children's House International (CHI), is in Washington state.  At first I was a little nervous thinking about using an agency that is out of state.  Many people do it though, so I know it will be fine.  It's so easy to do things via email or internet these days. 

So we're off!  Baby, here I come!

Baby in Bulgaria?

Wow!  Again?  I can hardly believe it.  And I really can't believe it yet- can it really happen?  I will be racing through paperwork as fast and furious as I can in the next months.  And God willing I will be flying to Bulgaria one day soon to meet my baby. 

Not two months ago we were talking to neighbors outside and I said that I'm sure we won't be adopting again.  I would love to, but the girls are getting older and 'easier' in a way now.  And where would we get the money?  You hate to think of the money aspect, but it's a fact - if you adopt, you have to have access to a substantial amount of ready cash.

All of a sudden not two weeks ago I was hit hard with the feeling that I have to adopt again.  There's someone waiting for me somewhere.  My heart just ached with the longing for someone I don't know yet.  I received an email about a little boy who was waiting for a family.  He was adorable, but he was not to be mine.  I started researching.  I've researched every country that adopts children out and I've researched every agency that adopts children out of those countries.  Every country I looked at I kept coming back to Bulgaria.  So Bulgaria it is, I believe.

I was a little scared to think about my age and what would people think!  I wanted my family especially to support me in it and be excited about it.  I started asking my sisters, and every one of them was so excited and supportive.  It's not like they have to support me in it, but if they say yes go for it, it is a lot easier for me to be excited about it.  I'm sure there will be people that say, "What are you thinking!", but I know that's ok.  To be honest, I did fight it a bit.  I'm too old.  Is it fair to the child? Where will I get the money?  But it is a true ache in my heart and I can't help but believe that feeling was put there by God.  I can't not go forward. 

While I was driving down the road one day it hit me that I have the money.  From my first job when I moved to the cities, I have an IRA (my old 401K) from that company that has just been sitting in an account.  For many years I have said many times I need to move that over and into my current 401K.  But something always held me back.  My lack of motivation?  :)  I truly don't think so.  When I thought of that money it felt so much like God telling me, "You have the money.  Take it and find your child."  Crazy?  I don't know.  That might not cover it totally, but it will be pretty close. 

Today I officially started.  I filled out the application and will be emailing it off to the adoption agency tomorrow.   The agency I've used in the past did not have a Bulgaria program so I had to find another agency.  The agency I chose is out of state, and your homestudy has to be done in state.  So I will use my prior used agency to do the homestudy.  I will also be sending off the application for them to start my homestudy.

We don't know yet if it will be a boy or a girl.  We're totally open to either.  Most likely it will also be a child with a special need.  I am open to several different special needs, but I think not a major need. I chose to go this route because it will be much quicker.  And whatever child is already my chosen child is perfect in every way already.

And now I have peace in my heart.