Baby in Bulgaria?

Wow!  Again?  I can hardly believe it.  And I really can't believe it yet- can it really happen?  I will be racing through paperwork as fast and furious as I can in the next months.  And God willing I will be flying to Bulgaria one day soon to meet my baby. 

Not two months ago we were talking to neighbors outside and I said that I'm sure we won't be adopting again.  I would love to, but the girls are getting older and 'easier' in a way now.  And where would we get the money?  You hate to think of the money aspect, but it's a fact - if you adopt, you have to have access to a substantial amount of ready cash.

All of a sudden not two weeks ago I was hit hard with the feeling that I have to adopt again.  There's someone waiting for me somewhere.  My heart just ached with the longing for someone I don't know yet.  I received an email about a little boy who was waiting for a family.  He was adorable, but he was not to be mine.  I started researching.  I've researched every country that adopts children out and I've researched every agency that adopts children out of those countries.  Every country I looked at I kept coming back to Bulgaria.  So Bulgaria it is, I believe.

I was a little scared to think about my age and what would people think!  I wanted my family especially to support me in it and be excited about it.  I started asking my sisters, and every one of them was so excited and supportive.  It's not like they have to support me in it, but if they say yes go for it, it is a lot easier for me to be excited about it.  I'm sure there will be people that say, "What are you thinking!", but I know that's ok.  To be honest, I did fight it a bit.  I'm too old.  Is it fair to the child? Where will I get the money?  But it is a true ache in my heart and I can't help but believe that feeling was put there by God.  I can't not go forward. 

While I was driving down the road one day it hit me that I have the money.  From my first job when I moved to the cities, I have an IRA (my old 401K) from that company that has just been sitting in an account.  For many years I have said many times I need to move that over and into my current 401K.  But something always held me back.  My lack of motivation?  :)  I truly don't think so.  When I thought of that money it felt so much like God telling me, "You have the money.  Take it and find your child."  Crazy?  I don't know.  That might not cover it totally, but it will be pretty close. 

Today I officially started.  I filled out the application and will be emailing it off to the adoption agency tomorrow.   The agency I've used in the past did not have a Bulgaria program so I had to find another agency.  The agency I chose is out of state, and your homestudy has to be done in state.  So I will use my prior used agency to do the homestudy.  I will also be sending off the application for them to start my homestudy.

We don't know yet if it will be a boy or a girl.  We're totally open to either.  Most likely it will also be a child with a special need.  I am open to several different special needs, but I think not a major need. I chose to go this route because it will be much quicker.  And whatever child is already my chosen child is perfect in every way already.

And now I have peace in my heart.