Is it really real?

Today it feels real.  Really real!  Today I sent off the first half of the agency fee.  I won't mention an amount here because I don't want people to think that this is about money.  I think about an adoption as the way I have been blessed with my children.  But to be realistic, you do have to have a good amount of available cash in order to adopt.  And this fee was large enough that if you commit to sending this fee, you have committed to working with this agency to bring your child home. 

Now I think about you, my child and dream, and wonder.  Where are you my little one?  What are you doing right now?  How old are you?  I don't even know yet if you are a boy or girl.  I do know that you are in my heart and that I long for you to be in my arms.  I don't even know you yet, but my heart already overflows with love for you.  May God watch over you while we wait to meet.

I also think of  another mother, a mother we will always talk with you about, your birth mother.  Is she holding you in her arms right now, knowing that she can't keep you?  Is she longing for you too because you are no longer with her?  I don't know, we may never know. But I do know that I will always be thankful that she gave birth to you, precious one, so that you could join our family.

... and another step!

Wow!  I did it!  I finished another application packet.  This time for CHSFS.  It will be in the mail tomorrow!  I'm just moving right along. 

I also got my welcome email from CHI today.

• "Welcome to Children's House International!  Your application has been received and your file has been opened." 

What a great feeling!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I got an email from CHI that they received my application today and that they will be sending me my official welcome letter tomorrow!  Yay!  What a great Valentine's Day gift!

I worked really hard on my home study application this weekend and got it almost all filled out.  There are a couple more things I need to figure out.  Like exactly where I lived and when I lived there since I turned 18!  I figured out the where I lived part.  Now I need to figure out the years I lived in those places. 

I was going to write a bit on Chinese New Year, but I think I will do that tomorrow.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Adoption Study

Today I received a packet from CHSFS.  The packet contained lots of paperwork to fill out to get me started on my adoption study (home study).  There are lots of forms to fill out for general information, educational information, work information, health information, family information, background checks, every place I've lived since I was 18, and so on.   There are also forms to drop off at the doctors offices, and reference letter forms for me to send out to have people write reference letters for me.  The list goes on. 

I'm so happy I received it today so I could get it all filled out over the weekend and into the mail and back to them on Monday, hopefully.

One more step closer.

One More Baby Step

One more tiny step.  Today I ordered my raised stamp certified birth certificates.  That's one more thing I can cross off my list of things I need.

Baby, Here I Come!

Now I have really officially started.  Today I sent off the application to the adoption agency I am using. There were also a couple of other forms that I sent along with it, so the first paperwork is off. And along with the paperwork, most important, I sent the application fee.

I sent the 'Family Information' form to Children's Home Society & Family Services a couple days ago. This is the first basic information so that they can start the home study. This is the same agency I used for Mei and Bee so they are familiar with me and I'm hoping this process goes quickly.

The adoption agency I'm using, Children's House International (CHI), is in Washington state.  At first I was a little nervous thinking about using an agency that is out of state.  Many people do it though, so I know it will be fine.  It's so easy to do things via email or internet these days. 

So we're off!  Baby, here I come!

Baby in Bulgaria?

Wow!  Again?  I can hardly believe it.  And I really can't believe it yet- can it really happen?  I will be racing through paperwork as fast and furious as I can in the next months.  And God willing I will be flying to Bulgaria one day soon to meet my baby. 

Not two months ago we were talking to neighbors outside and I said that I'm sure we won't be adopting again.  I would love to, but the girls are getting older and 'easier' in a way now.  And where would we get the money?  You hate to think of the money aspect, but it's a fact - if you adopt, you have to have access to a substantial amount of ready cash.

All of a sudden not two weeks ago I was hit hard with the feeling that I have to adopt again.  There's someone waiting for me somewhere.  My heart just ached with the longing for someone I don't know yet.  I received an email about a little boy who was waiting for a family.  He was adorable, but he was not to be mine.  I started researching.  I've researched every country that adopts children out and I've researched every agency that adopts children out of those countries.  Every country I looked at I kept coming back to Bulgaria.  So Bulgaria it is, I believe.

I was a little scared to think about my age and what would people think!  I wanted my family especially to support me in it and be excited about it.  I started asking my sisters, and every one of them was so excited and supportive.  It's not like they have to support me in it, but if they say yes go for it, it is a lot easier for me to be excited about it.  I'm sure there will be people that say, "What are you thinking!", but I know that's ok.  To be honest, I did fight it a bit.  I'm too old.  Is it fair to the child? Where will I get the money?  But it is a true ache in my heart and I can't help but believe that feeling was put there by God.  I can't not go forward. 

While I was driving down the road one day it hit me that I have the money.  From my first job when I moved to the cities, I have an IRA (my old 401K) from that company that has just been sitting in an account.  For many years I have said many times I need to move that over and into my current 401K.  But something always held me back.  My lack of motivation?  :)  I truly don't think so.  When I thought of that money it felt so much like God telling me, "You have the money.  Take it and find your child."  Crazy?  I don't know.  That might not cover it totally, but it will be pretty close. 

Today I officially started.  I filled out the application and will be emailing it off to the adoption agency tomorrow.   The agency I've used in the past did not have a Bulgaria program so I had to find another agency.  The agency I chose is out of state, and your homestudy has to be done in state.  So I will use my prior used agency to do the homestudy.  I will also be sending off the application for them to start my homestudy.

We don't know yet if it will be a boy or a girl.  We're totally open to either.  Most likely it will also be a child with a special need.  I am open to several different special needs, but I think not a major need. I chose to go this route because it will be much quicker.  And whatever child is already my chosen child is perfect in every way already.

And now I have peace in my heart.

'30 Days of Giveaways' at Ni Hao Y'all

Check out the wonderful 30 days of giveaways on the blog Ni Hao Y'all.  I discovered this blog not too long ago and just love reading it.  Stephanie has posted the first couple of giveaways and they are awesome!  Have fun!

My Child...

In honor of National Adoption month:

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.

---Rita Laws, PhD

Am I Smarter Than a 6 Year Old?

Today Bee is riding in the car with me and she is practicing saying the names of of two cute girls who are from Finland.  She was doing good, rolling the r's nicely and everything.  Then we had the following conversation.

Me: Did you know, those names are Finnish names. 
Bee: They are?
Me: Yes, the girls are from Finland, so they have Finnish names.
Bee: They're from Finland?
Me: Yes.
Bee:  Oh, do they speak Finnish?
Me:  They're from Finland, so yes, they do speak Finnish.
Bee:  Well, Mom!  I'm from China and I don't speak Chinese!

I had to tell her she had a good point.  Am I Smarter Than a 6 Year Old?  Hmm...I don't think so!

9 Year Well Child Check

Today we got to go see Dr. Benson again.  I love to see him.  He is such a sweet doctor. I hope he is around for a long time still. 

Mei does worry about shots.  She just worries herself sick about if she's gonna get a shot.  I did tell her that last year they told her that unless something changes she would not have to have a shot until she's 11 years old.  So she was happy for a while then.  But when we left she worried, and when we were in the car she worried, and when we got to the clinic she worried, and while we sat and waited she worried.  As soon as sweet nurse Kasey called us back Mei asked her, "Do I have any shots?"  The nurse told her that usually 9 year olds don't have shots, but that Dr. Benson had the last say.  When Dr. Benson walked into the room, the first thing he did was say, "First I have something very important to tell you. There won't be any shots today.  Would that be ok with you?"  Mei grinned and said, "Yes, that would be ok."  He says, "Yes, I know sometimes some people worry about that shot a bit, so I just wanted to make sure to let you know right away."  So she relaxed finally. 

Next thing the doctor did was check her growth and mark her growth chart.  I'm always excited to hear this, because it just seems like she grows so much every year.  This year she grew 3.25" and gained 8.6 pounds.  This put her at 65% for height and 55% for weight with a 50% BMI on the growth chart.  So, as I thought she has just shot up even more in the last year.  I'm looking back and the last 3 years she has been at 50% in all 3 areas.   When she was 5 she was 50% height and 40% weight, when she was 4 she was 50% height and 25% weight.  Interesting to look back.  And looking forward - it won't be long and she'll pass me up.  She's only 8.25" shorter than me!  Yikes!

We talked about her allergies.  They were even worse this past year.  I had only noticed cats and horses, but now I'm sure she also has plant allergies.  The doctor suggested that we put her on a once a day dose of Loratadine (Claratin).  He also said we probably won't ever want to have our windows open, just use the AC.  We do that because our neighbors don't clean up their yard and it literally stinks so bad we can't sleep with the windows open.  So I guess that worked out well.  It's good to know that it was beneficial for Mei that they were closed.  Makes me feel a bit better about being forced to keep the windows closed. 

We talked about her anxiety.  I told Dr. Benson of the various therapies we had gone through in the past year and the sensory issues that we have learned of.  He asked Mei when she's in school, does she like it better and can she learn better if there's lots of noise and commotion or is it easier for her if it's calm.  She said, she can learn better and likes it better if it's quiet and calm.  She told him that she was at a parade and that it was so loud there.  He said, well he's proud of her that she went to a parade even tho it's so loud for her.  And that after something like that, then she would probably feel much better if she would do something very quiet and calm for a while.  He said that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to go to a parade and then go straight to a sleepover with a whole bunch of girls, that it might be just too much commotion for her and too hard one her.  He told her that he wouldn't be surprised if she is an author when she grows up, or something similar to that.  It was great, him saying that.  Mei talks all the time about that she is going to be an author (along with other things:) when she grows up.  I wouldn't be surprised if she is.  Right now, she loves to write.

We talked of other things too, but mostly just the normal doctor visit stuff.

And so another year of growth behind us.  What will the next year bring?  Even more growth, I am sure, in more ways than one.

Happy Birthday 9 Year Old!

Wow!  I can hardly believe it - she's 9 years old!  Didn't I just receive that call telling me I had a daughter?! Time goes so fast, too fast. 

I have to be honest, I tried to buy her out of a party.  But she was having none of that!  She wanted a party!  So a party it was.  She's been so excited waiting for this day to arrive.  Oh, the planning she did was so much fun to hear.  But there was a little worry in there too, that it wouldn't be right.  Of course I knew it would be all good and fun, but a worry for her.  We decided we will have it at Lion's Park on Saturday, the day before her actual birth date.  It's always fun to go to a park and then there's lots of space for play and running and having lots of fun.

Wednesday we had a Farmer's Market come to work and we can get a bouquet of flowers at a very reasonable price.  Mei loves flowers so it was a good reason to buy some flowers.  Here are some of them.

Grandpa Jack called during the week and told us he's coming for the weekend.  He arrived on Friday during the day. How special to get to have Grandpa Jack help celebrate.  Of course there were presents from Uncle Irv and Auntie Jen too, and those came with Grandpa along with a gift from him.  Friday evening Mei and I went to pick up her lovely 'I love shoes' cake she had picked out earlier in the week.  It turned out so cute!

We decided that we would have Mei open the gift from her uncle and aunt before we go because we knew what was in it and didn't want to take it to the park.  So she opened it and I took pictures as she opened it.  It was a laptop!  She was so happy.  She said, 'It's what I've always wanted.'  And she has.  I don't know how she got that into her head, but for the last year and a half or so she has just wanted a laptop.  She's saved money like crazy and it's always been for a laptop.  Somehow Jen and Irv heard and they said they would get her one. At Irv's work they replace their laptops every 2 years and they just did that so he took his and they cleaned it out and sent it for her.  It is very nice, has all the newest programs on it.  She loves to write stories and she has already written and saved numerous stories she's written.  Needless to say, Bee was a little envious and came and whispered to me, 'Mom, it's what I've always wanted too.'

What's in the bag?

A laptop!

I'm so happy!  It's what I've always wanted.

Calling Aunt and Uncle to thank them.

Presents ready to go to the park, along side the birth family candle.

On Saturday about 12:30 the girls and I, and the neighbor friend went out to the park to get the party ready. We got the place all decked out in streamers and balloons and all the party stuff on the tables, and then the girls ran off to play.  A couple times a big gust of wind came along and blew the gifts off the table, but nothing was breakable so I dusted them off and put them back on the gift table once again.  One time it started to sprinkle just a few drops and I kept wondering if we had been smart in trying to have a party in a park.  But it barely sprinkled and the sun kept on coming back.  Soon guests started arriving and Dad and Grandpa Jack came and the party really started.  As soon as everyone got there we decided to have cake so Mei could open the rest of her presents.  We tried and tried to light the candles, but they would not stay lit, so finally just lit one and she blew it out and we sang happy birthday to her.

Finally after I'm sure at least 1,000 times asking when she can open her presents she got to open her presents.  In the last year she finally discovered the 'brand name' thing.  All her friends have clothes from Justice and she's really wanted something from there.  So I did most of her birthday shopping there.  She was very excited about all of her presents.  She's often shy or self conscious to tell people, but she's always truly thankful and so excited for all gifts from everyone.  I hear so often about how nice it was of so and so to give her such a nice thing.

The kids played pin the tail on the donkey and amazingly most of the tails were spot on! :)  They all got prize bags and went off to play on the playground and at the water pumps.  The adults were able to spend a lovely afternoon in beautiful weather visiting with one another as the kids played.  I really enjoyed the day, and I think the birthday girl did too.

 

Some of the littlest party attendees...

I know there's someone else out there that is thinking of our precious girl this day.  If there was one more thing I could do this day, it would be to pin a message on a shooting star and shoot it right to you to tell you that our daughter is so loved and precious beyond comprehension.  I'd try to tell you that I know what a gift you've given us in this gift of our daughter.  This Mama's heart just aches for you as we light our birth family candle and send our thoughts your way on a green balloon sent away in the wind.  Thank you other mama, for this birthday we celebrate today!

Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.




This past weekend was not our small city festival weekend, and we did not have a wonderful parade that we attended with our 2 lovely little girls.  Those 2 girls did not come home with bags filled with candy that they didn't even have to try very hard to get, because there is so much candy thrown.  If they would have come home with bags filled with that candy, I most certainly would not have raided their bags eating way, way too much candy.  No not me!  I would never steal candy from my babies.  No!  What kind of a mother would I be if I did that!

I also did not take pictures of only my favorite parts of that parade, and certainly would not post them here if I would have done that. 

...til next time!

Picnic in the Park

I've been so, soooo busy for the last month - working way too long days and just haven't gotten to spend enough time with the girls. I was going to bring them to the beach today, but it wasn't really a beach day and one of the girls thought of packing a picnic and going to this fun park. So we did!

First we played in the park and had so much fun!

Hanging from the bars!

 

Twirling!

Climbing!

Playing in tubes!

And just plain relaxing and enjoying our day!

We got hungry so stopped to have a picnic!

Oh, so thirsty!

When first the river was mentioned we weren't too enthused.  Then we decided 'yes' let's go see what's at the river.

Here's a path!  Let's go see...

That was fun. Let's go see the river now.

You think I'll catch any fish, Mom?

Hmmm...no fish yet.  Bee decided to go on a hunt for worms to fish with.

... while she was gone...

I'm gonna climb up there on that tree.

I did it.  Now I'm gonna go over there.

Did it!

Ok, now I'm gonna go down on that branch.

Uuummm...you might not want to go on that one.

Back from the worm hunt.  Found some flowers...

...and some mushrooms...

...found a caterpillar, but didn't want to use that to fish with, and didn't find any worms.

I guess, I'm just gonna go up on that tree too.

Mom, I like this place.  We should come back lots.  Let's come back at least every week. 

I like this place too, I do ~ I like this place a lot!  :)